


Not How It's Supposed To Be

by Houndsof221b



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-07 13:29:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4264965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Houndsof221b/pseuds/Houndsof221b
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry never thought that Eggsy would die before he would. <br/>But when it happened, Harry's world fell apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not How It's Supposed To Be

**Author's Note:**

> It's 2am, I am horribly tired, I haven't written in a few months and this is my first Kingsman fic.

His death came too fast and too unexpected. Cancer is a monstrous thing. It was inoperable and the chemotherapy didn't work. And while he knew that it there was no other outcome, he would still tell himself and Eggsy that everything would be alright and there was no need to worry.

And when Eggsy was high on painkillers, he would nearly believe him. Wishful thinking, probably. Hoping that if he wanted it bad enough, he would get better, but then the pain would become all too real again and he was thrown back into the harsh reality of life and how things really were. 

But when Eggsy's condition worsened and he got weaker and weaker, there was no denying that there was no way out. They both had to accept it and make the best out of the time they had.

And that time was short. When they were together they tried to ignore the elephant in the room and not talk about that this might be the last dinner they had or the last kiss they shared or the last time Harry would hear Eggsy's voice.

On his better days, Eggsy would laugh and joke and nearly be his old cheeky self again, but only nearly. When Harry looked at him, he saw how pale he was, how his smile didn't reach his eyes completely and how thin and worn out he looked.  
Yet Harry still tried to save every moment and remember every second they shared together.

However, then there was this day, when Harry thought everything could get better again.   
Eggsy seemed fitter, healthier even.   
And even though Harry had heard about the thing called 'the last good day', he refusd to believe that this was Eggsy's.

And then it happened all too quickly.   
His condition became worse by the minute and Harry could see how the life was drained out of Eggsy by the cancer inside of him.   
Nothing he ever went through, could prepare him for the moment the love of his life would be taken from him.

In the hospital, they then shared one last kiss, one last I love you and then Eggsy took his final breath.

It sounds stupid, but Harry never even considered he would see Eggsy die, even though the likelihood of it was quite big in the line of work they were both in.   
However, Harry always thought he would be the first to die. After all he was consideringly older than his partner.   
He firmly believed that this was how it was supposed to be.   
Eggsy still had his entire life in front of him and when Harry would have died, he'd have mourned him for a while, but he could have moved on, find someone new and fall in love again.  
That was how it was supposed to be, that was the 'plan'.

But not like this. Never like this.

 

Harry was not one to cry often or a lot, but when Eggsy left him, he sobbed like a baby.

But the next day he went to work again.  
People gave him strange and disbelieving looks, they obviously knew what happened and what Harry and Eggsy's relationship was.  
Harry had to do it, though. He had to work and distract himself, otherwise he would fall into a self-destructive pattern.  
And the paperwork the new position as Arthur brought with it, was perfect for that. 

He would spend hours and hours sitting in his office, drinking one glass of expensive whiskey after the other while sifting through the piles of papers.  
Once in a while he would read Eggsy's name in a file and then he would feel the tears burning in his eyes again.

Harry would even spend the next few nights in his office. When Merlin asked him about it, he would say that he fell asleep while working - and that might be true - but Harry couldn't deny that he was somehow relieved by it.   
Not having to go home and be reminded of Eggsy and the time they spent together by ever little thing in his house.

Not having to sleep in his bed, that he knew, would now feel too empty and cold.  
Not having to eat and cook in the kitchen, that would remind him of all the times they had breakfast in pleasant silence, cooked together for lunch or chatted about work and everything else over dinner.

Now he wouldn't hear Eggsy's lovely laugh, bouncing of the walls, anymore.  
It would be too quiet. And Harry couldn't bear it.

He was not very gentlemanly the next few weeks.  
He didn't take that much care of himself anymore. Only showered and shaved when it was really necessary, his suit would have creases the next morning when he spent the night in his office again and he hardly ever did any cleaning in his house anymore.  
Everything just painfully reminded him of his lost love.

He knew that Eggsy wouldn't want this, hell, he even told Harry a few days before he died (Harry would of course say that it wouldn't come to that, even though they both knew better) and he had promised him that he would take care of himself, but if Eggsy saw him now, he would be very disappointed in Harry and angry at his broken promise.

So Harry saw no other way but to move on, even though he was afraid of forgetting how Eggsy sounded, what he looked like, how he smelt.  
He was even more afraid to forget how much he loved him and how much Eggsy loved him.

But he had to keep going.  
For Eggsy and to keep his last promise.


End file.
